Season Report Spring 2019

It's done - read on for promotions, demotions, tears of joy, gnashings of teeth, and how to get involved yourself:

Our 13 winners are the lords (and one lady) of all they survey, and promotion is their prize. In most leagues, a runner up gets promoted too, and there are also two demotions. Players who completed fewer than two matches are out of the competition next time, so there will be some empty spaces after the musical chairs are over. These gaps we expect will be filled by new entrants when we open the new season this summer. Anyone unhappy about exclusion on the basis described above please contact us. If you are already in a box and played enough last time around, you don't need to do anything. If you want to join in the fun, go to the booking site, click "social events and tournaments," (or on a mobile ‘quick book - book class’) and sign up by May 19.  (Please ignore ‘class date’ of June 1 - season will run for a few months!)

So to the story of the season:

League A - Jimmy Callus is champion, having won five matches out of five played in this the biggest league of eight players. The runner up and middle order are hard to sort because, bizarrely for a premier league, a lot of matches went unplayed. There's no promotion from the top anyway, so we don't need to worry about who is number two, but if Jimmy is the Manchester City here, then Ollie Chalmers is our Huddersfield Town, heading down to B.

League B - Champion Matt Collier and runner up Mark Longden get the chairlift up to the sunny white slopes of League A. Apologies for the 1970s skiing references, but that makes Brian O'Neill, heading down to C, Eddie the Eagle to Matt's Franz Klammer.

League C - Firebreathing teenage dragonness Valeria Cespedes-Beltran is top with a grand slam of five wins. Reminiscent of the epic Welsh six-nations rugby performance earlier this year, she takes runner up Matteo Rizzo with her over the line into League B, while Thomas MacMullen carries his Azzurri wooden spoon down to tackle League D.

League D - Sam Gates - another player too young to vote in the coming European elections, defied the polls to beat all comers. Sam doesn't look much like the German Chancellor, but his form brings the staying power of Angela Merkel to mind. Second-placed Toby Young is his running mate for the new League C campaign. Voted down into League E are Thomas Murray and Matt Kiziltan.

League E - (Do it straight. People are bored now - Ed). Champion Chris Davies and runner up Tom Coffey are promoted to D. Chris Dennis heads down to F.

League F - Winner Patrick Bolster and second-placed Mark Jackson move up to E while Simon Davis and Todd Hickey are demoted to G.

League G - Top-placed Andrew Turtill and number-two Alan Thomas head up to F while Nic Zammit and Tony Forbes drop to H.

League H - Champion Tim Loughhead and runner-up Billy O'Dwyer earn their places in G. Ian Cuthbert and Guy Williams go down to I.

League I - League H will be welcoming winner Stefano di Domizio next season, along with second-placed Alister Damon. Ollie Thomas and  Louise McKerchar will play down the table in League J.

League J - Andrew Tadd, the league champ, goes up to I, along with runner-up Andrew Matheson. William Ward-Brew drops to K.

League K - The Mighty McKeever wins the battle of the Pauls, but second-placed Have-A-Go Hopkins joins him on the high road to League J. Linda Patto and Lynnette Boot respectively tiptoe and trudge down to L. (You're doing it again. Stop it! Ed) 

League L - Daniel Tatton-Brown tops the double-barrelled league, and runner up Steve Chesney, despite his hyphenetically challenged surname, joins Daniel in League K next season. Davids Salisbury-Jones and Nicholson-Thomas head down the pecking order to test the name space limits in League M.

League M - Terrys On Top. Terry Hayes, champion, and Max Terry, runner up, put their talent to the test in tougher League L, while Jenny Burton tailors her game for the sartorial challenge of lower League N, along with Don Claxton.

League N - The only way is up, and that's where top placed Alexander Little and Ohad Yogev are heading.

Cat Hirst